By Fay Abrahamsson, Courier Senior Staff Writer:
During the holidays, there’s one thing that registered nurse Barbara Katz can count on, and she’s not talking tree lighting or eggnog. She knows she will receive numerous phone calls from adults anxious over their elderly parents.
“Adult children come to visit their aging parent who they haven’t seen in a while and notice a striking difference,” said Katz, who is also director of clinical program development at VNA Community Healthcare in Guilford. “A year can make a big difference in a senior’s ability to cope.”
This time of year when families visit families, adult children, especially in the 50- to 60-year age group, call the VNA Community Healthcare in a panic about changes they see in their mother or father.
“You may find that the situation is an emergency that requires residential placement but in most cases, you will find that you can, with competent help, keep your parent independent at home much longer,” Katz adds.
For the holidays, and other times of the year when children visit their parents such as Mother’s Day or a family reunion, the VNA Community Healthcare has compiled a “checklist” of sorts to help distinguish areas of concern over characteristics of normal aging.
“The checklist is for adult children to take with them to their parents’ house to find out what they should really be concerned with and what is a normal part of aging,” said VNA Community Healthcare Marketing Coordinator Michelle Ferguson.
Signs of possible trouble could include changes in your parents’ level of self-grooming, a loss of socialization with friends or neighbors, physical changes such as being thinner or having poor skin color, and severe behavior changes such as turning suspicious, experiencing angry outbursts, or excessive crying.
Some “red flags” such as a refrigerator full of spoiled food and piles of unopened mail could be signs of early dementia.
“People lose their ability to make good decisions when they have early dementia,” said Katz.
One possible sign of this memory-loss condition is excessive contributions to charities.
“A common characteristic in early dementia is contributing to many charities,” noted Katz, who said she received a call from an adult child of an elderly woman who said her mother was giving her money away to anyone who asked.
Telltale signs of disproportionate charitable donations are piles of return-address labels, little note pads, and unopened letters from the various charities.
There is nothing wrong with giving to a few charities, but adult children should keep an eye on this situation. Those involved in fraudulent money-raising schemes target the elderly.
Wandering, whether it’s via car or on two legs, is a common sign of a fairly advanced dementia, said Katz. As seen often on the evening news, an elderly person may have wandered from their home, or, in serious cases, have taken the car and ended up two states away from home.
“Talk to your parents’ neighbors–they see your family member more than you do,” said Katz. “Ask about any signs of trouble such as wandering or going to the wrong house.”
After you have observed your parent, have a quiet chat with them, offered Katz. Listen well and don’t force any new changes or suggestions on them right away.
“You may be reluctant to rock the boat of a calm holiday, but remember that the best present you can give your parents is early action and long-term independence,” she said.
Home for the Holidays Checklist for Adult Children of Aging Parents
Check the refrigerator for spoiled food and no fresh vegetables–a sign that your parent may not be eating properly.
Take a look at the mail–are there many unopened letters or unpaid bills?
Check the car–are there unexplained dings and scratches? Watch them drive–do they stop at stop signs? How are they at getting on the highway?
Take a peek at the bathroom–it’s one of the first areas in a home that shows a lack of housekeeping and cleaning.
Talk to neighbors–is your parent wandering the street? Losing their keys? Walking into someone else’s house?
Observe your parent closely–are there signs of falling such as bruising, limping, or favoring one leg or foot over another?
Listen to your parents–are they having trouble remembering appointments, dates, or recent events?
To order a copy of the free booklet Avoiding an Eldercare Crisis, call Lifetime Solutions private home care (an affiliate of VNA Community Healthcare) at 203-458-5990. For the Eldercare Help Line, call toll free 866-474-5230 Monday-Friday 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. The VNA Community Healthcare, a non-profit organization with offices in Guilford and Old Saybrook, provides assistance to older adults and their family caregivers.